Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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