that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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