She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
