I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
