Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'

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(503): View more from Oregon

She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I gave up sex for lent.

(646): View more from New York

I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

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(917): View more from New York City

They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.

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(407): View more from Florida

You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Do one night stands count towards my number?

(516): View more from New York

Yes. A penis is a penis

(217): View more from Illinois

Even bad ones?

(516): View more from New York

YES.

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(805): View more from California

so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!

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(437): View more from

how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?

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