38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Im part way to drunk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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