I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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