no, he came in my armpit
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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