I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
