There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
