Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
