We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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