Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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