Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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