They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
