So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
