my sisters under your porch take her home
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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