Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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