the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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