I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
