toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
