All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
