im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
