you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
