we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
