On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's blow job season.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
