ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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