no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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