when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
