I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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