I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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