i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
