Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize