if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
