he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
