the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
