Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
