Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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