JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
