New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
