I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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