after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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