It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
