drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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