So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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