I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
