"it" just moved
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Randomize
