ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
