y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
