I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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