these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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