it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
