good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
